When you become engaged, the first thing you want to do is celebrate your upcoming nuptials. For some people, this is as simple as a nice evening with your future spouse before calling friends and family to tell them the good news. Others opt to have an engagement party to celebrate with their loved ones. As with most things to do with a wedding, an engagement party has some etiquette do's and don'ts to keep in mind.
Do Consider a Party if You Will Have a Long Engagement
There is no rule that requires you to have an engagement party, but if your wedding date is more than a year away, your family and friends may expect you to have one. The party allows you to celebrate your good news with your loved ones. However, if you will be tying the knot quickly, there is no need for a party or even a formal announcement. Simply call friends and family to announce your news and send a save-the-date card when the time comes.
Don't Assume the Bride's Parents Will Host
Traditionally, the bride's parents have been responsible for paying for the wedding, including the engagement party. In some cases, the groom's parents would assist with costs or throw their own party. However, as times change, more people especially same-sex couples are choosing not to take on traditional roles and opt to pay for their own engagement party. If one partner's parents offer to host, feel free to accept, but it should not be expected. If you and your partner are on a tight budget, you can skip the traditional engagement party in favor of a more casual get-together.
Do Have a Few Activities Planned
Unlike a wedding ceremony and reception, you don't need a minute-by-minute itinerary to make the most of your time and venue. However, you should still have a few activities planned that bring people together and can help break the ice between each partner's friends and family.
- Share the story of how you met.
- Create a video showing you and your partner from childhood until present day.
- Introduce immediate family members and close friends.
- Announce your wedding date and other important details.
- Exchange gifts with your partner and your parents.
Some couples also like to ask married guests for their wedding advice. Ask guests to write their advice on pretty notecards for you to read through later. You'll likely receive a lot of information that won't pertain to your relationship, but you'll also receive funny advice and probably some true words of wisdom.
Don't Expect Gifts
Gifts have not been a tradition at engagement parties in the past, so you should never expect them. However, in recent years, they have become increasingly common. If you don't mind receiving gifts, you should register beforehand. Stick to low to middle price ranges, saving the larger items for the actual wedding. If you would prefer not to receive gifts at the engagement party, indicate so on the invitation.
Do Invite the Right People
Before having an engagement party, you and your partner should have your wedding guest list finalized. Etiquette dictates that everyone who is invited to the wedding is invited to the engagement party and vice versa. If you invite 200 people to the engagement party but only plan to invite 50 to the wedding and reception, 150 people will feel overlooked. There is one exception to this rule. If you are having a destination wedding, it is acceptable to have a larger guest list for the engagement party because most people won't travel out of the country with you.
Above all else, remember you still have a bridal shower, bachelor or bachelorette parties, a rehearsal dinner, a wedding ceremony, a reception and a honeymoon to plan. The engagement party is just the beginning, so avoid going over the top. It sets the precedent for the entire wedding, and overspending in the beginning could make you feel as if you need to overspend at every point.
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