Whether you have officiated many funerals or this is your first one, you probably know it is going to be a challenge. It can be hard to sum up the life of someone who recently passed away in front of everyone who was close with that person. If you were a stranger to the deceased, it can be even more difficult. While you don't personally have to worry about the emotional aspect, you might be feeling at a loss for what to say in the eulogy. You may be feeling the pressure even more if it was a close friend who asked you to officiate or if you are a pastor and this is your first funeral. Being prepared is the most important thing you can do to make your job a little bit easier.
Talk to the Family
Talking to the family is the most important step. This is how you are going to find out what you should say about the person. The family will be able to give you a lot of input about what's best to mention. Finding a good meeting spot is important. Since this is such an emotional time, you want the family to feel comfortable with their surroundings. Ideally, you will meet at their home. This gives them a private place where they don't have to worry about being judged for their emotions. In addition, meeting at the home is easier in general for them, which can be helpful when they are going through a loss. If seeing them at their home is not possible, getting together at your office can be good if they are comfortable with it. If they suggest a public place such as a restaurant, then go with it. They wouldn't suggest it if it wasn't a place they didn't want to meet.
When you get together with the family, ask them questions about their loved one. Find out as much about his or her personality as you can. Ask about things like:
- His or her career
- Family
- Likes and dislikes
- Some quirks
- His or her talents
This should help spark a good conversation. Not only is this good for writing the eulogy, it can be healing for the family to talk about the person they have just lost.
Take Notes
When you are meeting with the family, be sure to take as many notes as possible. Don't try to write your eulogy based off of what you remember. If it seems important, write it down. Using bullet points or dividing your notes into sections can help make them more organized and easier to reference later. Using a laptop can help make organizing your thoughts easier than it would be using pen and paper.
Ask About the Service
Funeral services can vary greatly, so it's important to know what the family wants to be included. For example, finding out whether or not the person was religious is an important step. You don't want to make the awkward mistake of calling for a prayer when it's meant to be a secular service.
Write Your Eulogy
Once you have gathered your notes and spoken with the family, it's time to write your eulogy. Include as much as you can about the person. It's nice to time comedic moments throughout the eulogy. This can be good for breaking up the more emotional parts of the ceremony. Of course, don't go too overboard. Remember to be sensitive to the many emotions that will likely be experienced during the funeral.
Performing a eulogy may seem difficult, but it probably isn't quite as hard as you think. Being prepared is the most important step. Meeting with the family and taking notes so you know what to talk about can help make things a lot easier. In addition, writing your eulogy instead of relying on your potentially unorganized notes during the service will likely help things go more smoothly.
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