Finding Your Focus After the Death of a Loved One

May 19, 2021
3 Comments

Woman Dealing With Grief People have many ways to cope with loss. Though the mourning period will look different for everyone, there will come a day when you need to try and get back to living your life. What many people grieving the loss of a loved one experience when attempting this goal is a lack of focus. You may find your mind wanders more than it used to or that you spend all of your time lost in moods that don’t help you accomplish your daily goals. Though it will be challenging at first, there are ways to regain your focus.

Restoring your concentration will require a concerted effort on your part. Consider this advice to see what will work best for you.

Be Easy on Yourself

Right away, the most important tip to keep in mind during this time is to not be hard on yourself. People who are accustomed to always being focused and motivated may beat themselves up over the fact that they’re now struggling with what once came naturally. Unfortunately, holding yourself to standards of the past while grieving is an easy way to make a bad situation much worse. Remind yourself that you have every right to be upset and that it will take work to get back to the height of your abilities.

Work Through the Issues

While the death of someone you care about may be the catalyst for your unfocused state of mind, it may not be the core reason the sensation persists. Some people may find themselves thinking about their own morality or start feeling alarm over losing others they are close to. Other individuals will not be thinking about anything specifically; instead they may find themselves lost in a brain fog that doesn’t seem to clear. Before you can discover your focus again, you need to work through the issues and look for the main cause of your current problem.

One way experts suggest getting to the heart of an issue is by writing your thoughts down. Journaling can help you express exactly what is going on in your mind or at least start to make connections with how you're feeling and the thoughts swirling about. If writing doesn’t work for you, consider recording yourself talking. Even if you never go back to the sound files or journal entries, getting these ideas out of your head in some capacity can prove incredibly cathartic.

Commit to a Daily Routine

Death has a way of disrupting a person’s routine. As you try to regain your sense of concentration, it can be useful to put effort into establishing daily habits. Even if your appetite hasn’t fully returned, you should wake at the same time each day and sit down in an attempt to eat breakfast. These patterns might seem empty or forced at first, but going through the motions will help on a subconscious level. Before you know it, you’ll be in a routine that helps you feel a sense of normalcy.

Take Breaks and Feel Your Emotions

While attempting to regain your focus, you may find the experience overwhelming. Don’t ignore this impulse or shy away from your emotions. Even though the worst might have passed, mourning can put a lot of stress on you. When emotions bubble to the surface, don’t push through and ignore them in an attempt to return to normal. Take breaks from your journey to establish your focus whenever possible and allow yourself to feel the emotional weight of the moment.

Though loss can take a different toll on everyone, there are some common obstacles most must face. When the time comes to get back into your daily routine and focus becomes impossible, dedicate time and energy to creating a plan that helps you find your concentration in a way that is healthiest for you.

Category: Loss

funeral grief death

Comments:

Phillip Michaels

When a loved one dies many people try to bypass the pain by bottling up their emotions or rejecting their feelings. Unfortunately, the only way to overcome grief is to move with and through it daily as the feelings ebb and flow. The person who avoids grieving may even suffer from some form of depression or physical problems.

Is there anything you can do to take a proactive approach to mourning? The answer is yes – but be gentle and patient with yourself and the process. It’s generally agreed that while grief is never “fully done” there are some essential aspects of growing and becoming well again after difficult losses.

You’ll need to slowly pace yourself and reach out for safe and helpful relationships. It’s a time to be near your most trusted personal supports and perhaps even meet regularly with a pastor or counselor. The non-judgmental presence of another caring human being can help tremendously as you face the following four essentials in your journey.

Accept the reality of the loss. This involves overcoming the natural denial response and realizing that your loved one is physically dead.

Activities such as viewing the body after death, attending the funeral and burial services, and visiting the place where the body is laid to rest can all aid in this process. It’s also helpful to spend time openly talking about the deceased person or the circumstances surrounding the death. As you grapple with this reality, you are also freer to embrace the consolation of knowing that the spiritual life goes on and that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

Experience the pain of grief. When a loved one dies many people try to bypass the pain by bottling up their emotions or rejecting their feelings. Unfortunately, the only way to overcome grief is to move with and through it daily as the feelings ebb and flow.

The person who avoids grieving may even suffer from some form of depression or physical problems. Fully experiencing the pain – most often through tears or some form of expression – provides genuine relief.

Adjust to an environment in which your loved one is missing. Among other things, this may entail assuming some of the responsibilities and social roles formerly fulfilled by your deceased loved one. Likewise, if you dread coming home to an empty house, you may want to consider the possibility of enjoying a pet or including new routines that give you comfort.

Experiencing nature and the use of music, worship, and regularly scheduled phones calls to close friends can be practical helps.

Invest the emotional energy you have in healthy and life-giving relationships. While rushing into newfound intense or romantic relationships isn’t generally advisable, having openness to connections with people who share your values and interests is important. Many people feel disloyal or unfaithful if they find enjoyment in social life or form new attachments. Remember that the goal is not to forget your loved one; it is to reach the point where you can remember and honor without being halted in your own living. New friendships often allow you to progress as a person with a hope and future even though pain of loss still hurts at times.

The important thing is to allow yourself time and space to grieve and grow. You might consider seeking out a recovery program offered by a local church or perhaps setting aside a few hours weekly to pray, journal, or reflect on your grief personally.

Michael Rutan

I find one of the best things todo is pray to God. While you are grieving. And everyone's grieving period will be different

Betty J. Whitely

This is a good guideline for the death of a loved one while we are grieving. Be rest assured all of us will be making our transition. Live your life to its fullest everyday, and ask God to give us strength, and God will.

Be blessed! Rev. Dr. Betty J. Whitely

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