Losing a loved one is a very difficult thing. It is often followed by grief and sadness that are hard to explain. This is only complicated by the fact that after the person passes away, there are decisions that need to be made. The funeral needs to be planned, which often means a family member needs to perform the eulogy.
Speaking at a funeral can be a very difficult thing for many different reasons. It is completely acceptable to have a professional such as a pastor or a funeral director give the eulogy. However, there are some who would prefer to deliver the eulogy themselves. If you would like to deliver the eulogy but are struggling with coming up with the right words or are simply overwhelmed at the thought of speaking at your loved one's funeral, there are a few things to keep in mind that can help make the process a little bit easier.
Keep Emotions in Check
Perhaps the number one concern people have when they have to deliver a eulogy for their loved one is that they won't be able to keep their emotions in check. While everyone at the funeral will understand if you get emotional or need to take a minute to compose yourself, you probably want to stay composed enough to get the words out without choking up every time you start to speak. There are a few things you can do to help keep your composure. Consider keeping a water bottle near you. This helps with your emotions in a couple of different ways:
- Taking a drink buys you a few moments to compose yourself.
- Sips of water can often help calm emotions.
- It will keep your mouth moist, which will help you more comfortably deliver the eulogy.
Keep some note cards with you that have your speech written on them. While it is helpful to have these cards, try to have as much of the speech memorized as you can so you only need to look at the cards for reference instead of staring at them the entire time. Speak slowly while giving your speech. Not only will this help keep your emotions in control, it will also make you easier to understand.
Talk About Details
A benefit to having someone who knows the deceased give a speech is that person knows details about the departed a funeral director would not. This can include things about his or her quirks or personality traits that may not have been noticeable to those who did not know the person well. Maybe your loved one would not watch a favorite team play unless he had his lucky hat on. Perhaps she was unable to function before having a big cup of black coffee. Whatever it was, share it, and give the world a chance to glimpse the details of this person's life.
Try to Keep Eulogy Positive
If you have just lost a loved one, then you no doubt only want to hear good things about the person. While it's okay to include a couple of his or her small flaws if they are presented in a lighthearted way (perhaps how he or she could never be on time for anything), you should focus on the positive traits of the person. This is your opportunity to tell the world how amazing the person was. Tell the audience a couple of stories that show how caring or hardworking the person was.
Prepare Yourself for Surprises
Sometimes you will say something that hits you hard emotionally, even if you weren't expecting it. You might tell a story and have people laughing through these tears. Be prepared for those unexpected emotions, and allow yourself and those around you to experience them.
Delivering a eulogy is hard, and losing a loved one is even harder. However, taking these simple steps can make it a little bit easier.
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