Mary Nelson

I feel there are so many creatively genius ways to celebrate life love and happiness. I want to provide my unique angle.

Detroit, Michigan - Where the crass and sassy are created.

Currently reside in Tucson, AZ

I’m not the soft-spoken, whisper-through-the-vows kind of ordained minister. I’m the one who understands that love is messy, loud, awkward, hilarious, and deeply human. My crass and sassy personality isn’t a gimmick. It’s a pressure valve. It puts people at ease, keeps ceremonies real, and makes moments unforgettable for the right reasons.

I believe the best ceremonies sound like the couple, not like a greeting card written by a committee. I bring humor without disrespect, irreverence without carelessness, and warmth that never slips into corniness. If you want laughter woven between tears, authenticity instead of stiffness, and a ceremony that feels alive rather than ceremonial, we’re already aligned.

Being ordained isn’t about authority to me. It’s about holding space honestly. I read the room. I cut tension. I celebrate truth. I know when to lean into humor and when to step back and let emotion land fully. My style honors both sacredness and reality because life doesn’t separate the two.

Your event deserves an officiant who understands that love can be tender and savage, sacred and ridiculous, all at once. I show up fully myself so you can do the same.

Everything is connected. Every type of energy and spiritual connection.

I am a death doula. I can bring a gothic twist to your wedding celebration. I was married on Halloween. Everyone came in their costume. I give you that idea free of charge. :)

I am negotiable on travel. We can have a virtual meeting to discuss.

Celebrations of life don’t need whispers and euphemisms. They need truth, laughter, and room to breathe. As a crass and sassy ordained minister, I honor lives the way they were actually lived. Real, complicated, funny, messy, and deeply loved. I bring warmth without sugarcoating, humor without disrespect, and honesty without heaviness. My role isn’t to sanitize grief but to hold it alongside stories, laughter, and the moments that made someone unforgettable. If your loved one would rather be remembered with smiles, swearing, and real stories than solemn scripts, I’m here to help create a send-off that feels human, healing, and true.

I plan to have mine while I am still here. How about you?