Whether it's something you saw coming or something unexpected, death is a hard thing to deal with. It's so final, and you probably weren't ready to say goodbye. Losing a parent can be especially difficult. Your parent has probably been there for you since the day you were born, so even if you are older, you may be feeling lost. It can be even more difficult when your other parent is still alive and you are trying to figure out how to be there for him or her while dealing with your own grief. It can be a lot to balance and very difficult to handle. While grief is never easy, there are a few things you can do to help with the process.
Know You Will Never Be Ready
You might be thinking that if you had a few more weeks or months, then you would be ready to say goodbye. The truth is, there are very few people in this world who will tell you they were ready for their parent to die. We will always wish for more time, and most of us will never feel ready for our parents to pass. Don't waste time thinking about the what-ifs or wishing he or she had more time on this earth. Unfortunately, the time has come, and whether you are ready or not, it is time to say goodbye.
Don't Feel Guilty for Grieving
You probably had the expectation for most of your life that your parents were going to die before you. After all, they are most likely at least 20 years older than you, so it's only natural that they go first. However, that doesn't mean the process is easy. You could be 70 years old with a mother who is 95 before she dies, but that doesn't mean it will be easy to handle. No matter how old you are or how expected this was, allow yourself to grieve without guilt. Here are a few things to keep in mind when grieving:
- It's only natural to grieve the person we have lost. When that person is a parent, it can be even more difficult.
- You may feel lost without your parent, even if you are well into adulthood. You could feel uncertain about big decisions or anxious about the future without your parent.
- Grief is tricky. It may seem to leave for a while and then hit you again like a tidal wave. Try to take these waves as they come, and give yourself the time you need.
- In a way, you will be grieving for the rest of your life. Anniversaries and birthdays may be hard. However, as time goes on, it should become less overwhelming emotionally.
Spend Time With Your Surviving Parent
If you still have a surviving parent, make sure to spend time with him or her. Not only is this good for you, your parent likely needs you. Remember that he or she has spent a good chunk of life living with this person, and now that person is gone. Adjusting to living alone can be hard. You might consider having your parent live with you for a while. This can be emotionally healing for the both of you.
Try to Move On
Just like it's important to give yourself time to grieve, it's also important to remember to continue living your life. Don't shut the world out. Try to stay involved at work, at church, and with your friends. It can be difficult, but it can actually make the process easier. Plus, it can give the people in your life a chance to help you.
Losing a parent may be the worst thing that ever happens to you. For this reason, it's important to grieve your loss and take care of yourself. Also try to remember your surviving parent, and check in on him or her every once in a while to make sure he or she is doing okay. As time goes on, you should notice that your grief gets less overwhelming, though it will probably never completely go away.
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