For nearly every engaged couple, a shared home is part of their vision for a future together. While societal norms and economic conditions have changed, some basic issues are still fundamental to a successful partnership. Besides possessions and assets, interpersonal relationships are also a key component of a strong foundation. Before you begin the process of moving in together, it’s worth examining important issues that impact your relationship and home life.
Key Issues To Discuss First
You won’t be able to reveal every detail about yourself before moving in together. Some minor habits and idiosyncrasies can easily slip your mind or go unnoticed until your partner brings them up. However, there are some major themes you can discuss before you commit to your new lifestyle together. Communication and collaboration will be important during this stage, as personal finance expert Cynthia Meyer explains. It’s crucial that you both discuss certain expectations and needs:
- Daily routines and schedules
- Time spent together
- Social needs and outside friendships
- Strengths and weaknesses
- Workspace and personal space needs
This is just a short list, but it can provide an ideal starting point for your first and subsequent conversations. Based on these conversations, you can work together and develop ground rules to guide your relationship and coexistence.
Handling Household Money Matters
The Balance’s Miriam Caldwell advises that you shouldn’t combine your finances until after you’ve tied the knot. Nevertheless, you’ll still need a spending plan. Caldwell recommends that you first determine how to split household expenses such as rent, utilities, and groceries. Don’t assume that you’ll divide them 50/50, as this may not be fair to a low-earning partner. One possible approach Caldwell proposes is tallying household expenses, adding all incomes together, and then dividing the total budget by the total income amount to obtain a contribution percentage from each person.
To make paying for household expenses easier, Caldwell advocates setting up a joint checking account for this sole purpose. If you’re employed and have access to direct deposit, you could change your preferences to automatically place some of your paychecks into the joint account. Meanwhile, individuals should cover costs such as grooming, car payments, and clothes from personal funds.
After you develop these financial routines, you and your mate should discuss how and if to combine finances after you’re legally married. Factors to consider include your goals, existing debt loads, spending habits, and attitudes toward money.
Stressors, Annoyances, and Conflicts
Getting to know a new suitor is one thing but moving in together with that same individual is quite another. Therapist and clinical social worker Robert Taibbi stresses that habits and routines can sometimes clash. Also, you’ll witness and be impacted by behaviors that weren’t evident when you were dating. Personal space usage and needs also affect how you share your new home. Thanks to these factors, the reality of living with your loved one may be quite different than you imagined.
Taibbi reminds couples that it’s never wise to be passive-aggressive. Your “subtle” hints may go unheard or provoke your mate to anger and resentment. Rather, conflicts can be excellent opportunities for negotiation and problem resolution. During a healthy argument, you can accomplish better results and keep your relationship solid. The Huffington Post’s Brittany Wong spells out a few best practices:
- Don’t avoid conflicts.
- Begin conversations slowly and take turns speaking.
- Avoid pointing fingers and name-calling.
- Don’t assume the worst.
- Acknowledge each other’s feelings and viewpoints.
Consider Your Lifestyles, Habits, and Needs
As an engaged couple, building your home together requires more than just taking stock of physical possessions. When moving in together, talking about your expectations and lifestyles is a critical first step. Next, you should set up plans for handling logistics such as bill paying and chores. Ultimately, solid communication and conflict resolution skills are essential for making your lives together work.
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