Miscarriage, still birth, and infant loss seem to be a bit of a taboo subject. It's hard to think of the right words to say to a grieving mother and father who just lost their child, no matter at what point they lost their baby. This can be especially true for those who have gone through a miscarriage. With all the debates over when a fetus is considered a human, people have varying reactions to miscarriage, even when they experience it themselves. Some just have to deal with the physical aspect of it, waiting for the miscarriage to be complete so they can try once more for a baby. However, the vast majority of mothers and fathers are affected not only physically, but emotionally. It is a very difficult thing to lose a child, even if it is a child you never had the opportunity to meet. Those who go through a miscarriage sometimes don't know what to do once the process is over. Should they try to forget about it and move on? Should they have a memorial service for the baby? There is no right or wrong answer here, and the right solution for you is whatever you feel gives you the most closure and peace.
Miscarriage Vs. Stillbirth
Many people get confused on the difference between a miscarriage and a stillbirth. When a baby passes away in his or her mother's womb before 20 weeks of gestation, it is considered a miscarriage. When it happens after 20 weeks, it is a stillbirth. Miscarriage is much more common than a stillbirth, with an estimated one in five pregnancies ending in one. Many of these miscarriages occur before the woman knows she is pregnant, so it sometimes goes unnoticed. In addition, the vast majority of miscarriages occur in the first trimester, especially in the first few weeks. The further along you are in your pregnancy when you miscarry, the more likely you will need medical intervention. A procedure called a dilation and curettage is done to make sure all of the pregnancy material is removed.
No matter in what stage you experience your miscarriage, it can be incredibly painful, both physically and emotionally. Even if you do not have the body of the baby, you can still have a memorial service. It's up to you to decide whether or not this is right for you.
Memorial Service
Many people do not announce a pregnancy right away just in case something goes wrong. If you experience your miscarriage before you told people you were pregnant, there may be very few people who know what you are going through. Only you can decide whether or not you want people to know about your miscarriage. If you would rather it be a private thing, then you can hold your memorial service at home. It may just be you and your spouse, or perhaps a few close family members. If many people knew about your pregnancy, then you could include them in your memorial service as well. It might be comforting for you to make a memorial book or some keepsake that honors your baby's life. This might include an ultrasound picture or the name you were planning on giving to the baby. There are also many companies that can make keepsakes to help you remember your child:
- This might be a piece of jewelry, such as a set of tiny footprints or a necklace with a sleeping baby.
- There are also candles that are made with quotes that some find comforting.
- These can bring comfort to the mother and father and give them something that shows their baby will always be remembered.
Going through a miscarriage is often very difficult. If you think having a memorial service for your child is something that would bring you comfort, then it is something you should consider doing.
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