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A bride's father is wondering whether he is in the right after his daughter eloped, then expected her father to give her the money he would have used for the wedding for her honeymoon instead. The father, who asked for advice on Reddit, told his daughter that the money was meant only for the wedding, not for the couple to use however they wanted. 

The Engagement

When the couple got engaged after five years of dating, the father and mother were excited and ready to help pay for the wedding. They were prepared to start planning immediately, but the daughter was hesitant and didn't want to rush anything. The parents were understanding but informed their daughter that they would contribute $15k to the wedding when the time came. 

Not long after, the bride and groom informed the family that they had eloped. The couple did not feel the need for a lavish wedding ceremony and preferred a more private moment between the two of them. While the family members were disappointed that there would not be a wedding, and they would not get to see the couple exchange vows, they weren't overly surprised. The bride didn't typically like being the center of attention, so they understood.

Bride Asks for the Money

However, the daughter later came to the father and said she wanted the money that would have been used for her wedding to go on a month-long traveling honeymoon. The father informed her that he would not give her the money, as it was not meant to be spent however she pleased. Instead, he intended it for the wedding, which would have been a celebration with friends and family.

This has led to an ongoing argument between the father and daughter, as they are both steadfast in their opinions of what should happen. When the Redditor posted asking if he was in the wrong, the vast majority of comments stated that he was not and that she should not expect the money to be applied to whatever she wanted to spend it on.

On the other hand, a select few people were on the bride's side. They thought he should not have assumed that his daughter would want a big party, and they felt he was putting unnecessary pressure on her. They feel the day is about the bride and groom, not the family, and they should let them have the money to enjoy their first few weeks together as husband and wife.

Wedding Traditions

In the past, it was most common for the family of the bride to pay for the wedding, while the groom's family pays for the honeymoon and/or rehearsal dinner. However, things have changed, and it's common for the cost to fall on the couple themselves or for the families to come to their own arrangements.

More millennial couples are choosing to elope than the generations before them. Some do this to save money, but other reasons include avoiding the awkwardness of seeing family members who disapprove of the marriage. 

Eloping can be a more straightforward way to get married without spending much money, but families can be hurt when they find out about it after the fact. It's best to communicate with your family as soon as you've decided, so they have time to prepare and accept it. You could have brunch or a small party afterward for people to come together and congratulate you. Also, consider having a photographer at the event so your family can still have the wedding photos to look at.

Perhaps most importantly, discuss the budget and expectations with your family, so there are no misunderstandings about how the money will be allocated. 

Category: Wedding Planning

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