The longer you have been in a relationship with someone, the more likely it is that you will fall into a routine. There is comfort to be found in repeatable patterns that you discover with another person. However, this is also known to create a situation fraught with repetitive actions and general lack of new stimuli. When you’re in a rut, it can feel like the person you’ve spent so many years with is now a stranger in many respects. Though it can be jarring at first, you can easily take action and make a change for the better.
Connecting with your partner on an emotional level when you’ve been together a long time can be a challenge. Use these tips to guide your experience.
Identify the Block
Though being in a rut can be what forces you to notice the distance that has grown between you, it stands to reason that a block got in the way of the emotional connection you share with your partner at some point before this moment. While not absolutely necessary, it can be helpful to identify the source of the block. Perhaps you got into an argument that was never fully resolved, or you have been taking out work-related stress on each other without meaning to. Whatever the reason, pinpointing it can help you work toward a solution.
In many cases, the problem that led to the block will be quite easy to resolve. Typically, having an open conversation that allows you to both speak honestly is the best way for you to move forward together.
Admit Your Own Faults
Often, a person who identifies a problem in a relationship is going to assume that the fault lies with the other. While an easy mindset to fall into, it is important to understand that both parties are usually culpable in any given situation. Before you come at your partner with a list of issues, think about your own recent actions and behaviors. If you realize you may have crossed a line or hurt feelings without intention, it is time to admit fault and find a resolution.
Be Vulnerable
Whether people like to admit it or not, showing vulnerability can be very difficult. There is often a primal response in people to hide certain details or emotions in order to stay protected from ridicule or shame. Even with your partner, you may keep certain details to yourself because you want to uphold a certain image. Sadly, illusions don’t do anyone any good. To connect fully on an emotional front, you must learn how to be vulnerable no matter how uncomfortable you might be at first. The beauty is that the process gets easier each time you express vulnerability.
Find a Shared Activity You Love
Nothing brings people closer together than something they can share. For couples, hobbies and activities can be a lifesaver in this respect. When you’re engaged in a task with your partner that has nothing to do with your daily routine or personal lives, it can free you in ways you didn’t expect. Taking a tango class is far more enriching on an emotional level than spending a weekend cleaning out the garage. Though it may be tough to find something you both love to do, some effort will uncover plenty of activities you both enjoy equally.
Though falling into a routine is a normal part of being in a long-term relationship, it is important to identify and attempt to resolve emotional disconnection whenever you notice the signs. Put time and effort into finding an effective way to rekindle the flames, and allow the bond you share to thrive as you face the future together.
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