There is a broad scale for how people envision life after the wedding. Some prospective couples may see marriage as their happily-ever-after, without really considering what happens next. Others look forward to totally letting go and relaxing after a grueling and arduous dating life. As with most scales, reality will lie somewhere in the middle. What will most certainly be true is that marriage is not the end of the engagement, but the beginning of a lifelong and active relationship. The following are some of the least helpful notions floating around about life after the wedding.
You Will Make Each Other Happy
Sure, a good marriage can be a key to happiness, but like anything else, happiness will develop from within. It is neither your job nor your partner's responsibility to make each other happy. If you were a person who enjoyed your family, your friends, your job and your activities before you got married, odds are you were a pretty happy person. Conversely, if you felt unsatisfied with life before marriage, your partner is not likely to change that simply by virtue of his or her existence, or even through his or her efforts. To increase your odds of a happy marriage, continue to do the following:
- Live by your values
- Seek the company of people you enjoy, and
- Find new things to excite you.
And, by all means, share all that happiness with your partner.
It Is All Downhill From Here
Of course, if you cannot relax around your spouse, where can you relax? Thankfully, the days of pretending as if you do not own sweatpants or ever go to the bathroom are long over. There will be plenty of opportunities for the two of you to see each other under less-than-flattering conditions, and that can be part of the charm. However, a good marriage depends on both partners making an attempt to keep things fresh and interesting. It relies heavily, as well, on mutual respect and the desire to be one's best self for one's partner in the big picture. Take care of your body and your health, pursue a hobby or continue your education. Your marriage will reward your efforts.
Settling Down Is Dull
While you may no longer experience the rush that comes from the anticipation of intimacy with someone brand new, that does not mean your married love life has to lack excitement. It is a total myth that married sex is boring. The people that perpetuate this myth simply lack imagination. Consider this: the better you know someone, the more likely you may be to trust him or her with your secret, wild, unedited fantasies. Boring is as boring does. Have fun.
Kids Take Up All the Oxygen in the Room
Well, there is some truth in that, but not to the extent that mythmakers will have you believe. Good parents can err on the side of being overly attentive when it comes to their kids, and that can take a toll on a marriage. Rarely, if ever, will children insist that their needs be secondary to their parents'. Really good parents, however, know that they sometimes need to prioritize their relationship with their spouse over the non-emergency needs of their children. After all, your relationship is what got them here in the first place. It is part of the job to model a loving partnership.
No One Needs to Know Your Troubles
With all the sharing people do on social media these days, this one sounds a bit old fashioned. However, despite reality TV, much of today's sharing can be a best-foot-forward, everything-is-perfect, wow-can-you-believe-our-life kind of propaganda. Facebook pictures of island vacations are fabulous and fun, but rarely is that the whole picture. While Facebook is probably not the place you want to share your marriage troubles, most couples need a support system for when everything isn't exactly coming up roses. Every relationship hits bumps, and outside perspective can be a miraculous tool for getting back on track.
Marriage is both an act of intimacy and a social contract. Each couple needs to learn how to find out what works and is true for them.
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