Begin Free Online Ordination

An ApologyA huge component in a successful marriage is communication. Unfortunately, even the most composed of orators can fall prey to emotional outbursts on a bad day. Since you can and will fight with your partner in some capacity over the years, you should learn the art of apologizing. For some people, saying “I’m sorry” can be a lot more difficult than they’d care to admit. Whether this sounds familiar or you simply could use a basic refresher on how to approach the task, review these tips on how to apologize and keep your marriage strong.  

Understand the “Why”

Some people have a poor understanding of what it is to feel sorry for something that they said or did. If you’re under the impression that apologizing is a way of magically erasing a transgression, you need to take a closer look at the act. An apology is meaningless if there’s no substance behind it. When you say you’re sorry, you need to know what you are apologizing about. Don’t make assumptions, either. When you don’t know what you did, asking can sometimes be the easiest way to bridge an emotional gap that’s been created between you.

Take Responsibility Without Pointing Fingers

It is true that there will come times when both you and your partner are at fault for an argument. However, you need to focus solely on your own responsibility when making an apology. Understand your role in the disagreement and use this as your guide for the rest of the conversation. The hope is that your partner will follow suit of his or her own volition. Forcing someone to take responsibility can often lead to more arguments, whereas unburdening yourself of your guilt can help to settle an upset mood.

Forget the Intent

A common mistake people make when it comes to apologizing is trying to explain their actions. There is a misconception that elaborating upon the intent of an action somehow erases the impact that it caused. Unfortunately, the adage “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” usually applies to such scenarios. Instead of trying to cover your tracks in a misguided attempt at righting a wrong, understand the weight of your actions and address this point. Focusing on the impact over the intent is key to smoothing things out.

Keep Things Simple

An apology needs to be more than a basic “I’m sorry,” but this doesn’t mean it needs to be a monologue. If you overdo an apology, your actions might suggest that you have no idea how to appropriately handle a mess you have made. For example, there are people who forego words altogether and just buy gifts when they make a mistake. Though it might seem like a nice gesture, following this path does little more than help you avoid the actual problem at hand. Keep matters simple with a genuine apology to see tangible results.  

Take Action Afterward

Words might mend emotional wounds, but actions speak volumes in the long run. Don’t make promises in the moment when giving an apology. Instead, recognize your partner’s needs and take direct steps to meet these needs through your future decisions. Saying you’ll stop leaving dirty dishes in the sink means a lot less than actually doing the dishes. Learn to balance the verbal part of the apology with substantial follow-through, and it will do wonders to keep your marriage healthy as the years go by.

While there’s no secret recipe to eliminating fights from a relationship, you can do your best to make the recovery period less painful for all. Recognize the emotional needs of your spouse, and it can go a long way to help you deliver an apology that lands in the way you’d hoped.

Category: Marriage


Add Your Comment

To post a comment you must log in first.
You may alternatively login with your credentials, below.