How to Help a Loved One Going Through a Loss

It's a time when many phrases seem cliché and many actions seem meaningless. When a friend is dealing with the death of a loved one, you may be wondering what you can do to help. Sure, you want to be there to make the loss easier, but you might feel worried you will somehow make it worse or fail to be there in the way your friend needs. The bad news is there is no one way to support your friend when he or she is going through a loss. Different people need different things, so sometimes it's a matter of reading your friend's social cues and listening when he or she tells you what's needed. However, there are many times when a loved one doesn't know what is needed, or perhaps doesn't know how to communicate it to you. Here are some ways you can help your friend when you don't know what else to do.

Be a Listener

One of the best things to do for your loved one is to be present without offering lots of words of advice or so-called encouragement. Saying things like "he is in a better place" or "it was in God's will for this to happen" may seem comforting, but most of the time, they are not what your friend needs to hear. He or she is sad because a loved one is no longer present and is missed. Even if the person believes a loved one is no longer in pain and is now in heaven, it doesn't take away the sense of grief and feelings of loneliness. These phrases can actually be isolating to the person who is grieving, for a couple of different reasons.

• It sometimes makes the person feel like he or she shouldn't be grieving because the loved one is no longer suffering.
• The words make make a person feel guilty or feel as though he or she isn't processing emotions quickly enough.
• The person may feel like you don't understand what he or she is going through, which makes it difficult to open up to you and explain feelings.

When in doubt, don't say anything. Just be the support your friend needs by being a listener. Hold her while she cries. Listen when he talks. Get a tissue when it's needed. These small actions can mean the world to your friend and show you are truly there.

Run Errands, Do Chores, Cook Meals

It is hard for a person to take care of self and family when going through the aftermath of the death of a loved one. Sometimes, it's hard for the person to even get out of bed. Because of this, your friend could really benefit from having someone do even the simplest things. Small tasks like running to the grocery store for milk or cooking enough meals to last for a few days can make a true difference. Don't wait until asked to do it, either. If you notice the kitchen is dirty, take initiative and clean it up. If you know the person won't be able to cook food for a while, arrange a meal train so needs are taken care of. Offer to be there to answer the door so your friend doesn't have to face a bunch of people while still processing emotions. This can make such a difference and help your friend feel like he or she is really being taken care of.

Going through a loss is a very difficult thing. It is difficult for friends to navigate through, but being a support for your friend in the form of being a listener and a meal bringer can help your friend in a way you may not even imagine.