If you've lost someone recently, you are probably quite familiar with grief. It's something people experience in many different ways, despite what you may have been told. You may think you should follow a specific order of emotions when going through the grieving process and that there's a certain timeline for when you should be back to normal. However, none of this is true. Grief affects everyone differently, and really there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Putting pressure on yourself to get through the grieving process before you are mentally or emotionally ready can actually prolong the process and make things more difficult for you. Here are some things you may not know about the process of grieving someone you have lost.
There's No Set Timeframe
No matter who you lost, there is no set timeframe for when you should be feeling better. People who have never experienced a close loss may have a hard time understanding this. They won't know what you are going through unless they have gone through a similar experience. Even if they have, they may not have as long of a grieving period as you. Just because you grieve for a shorter time than most people does not mean you are insensitive or didn't love the person enough. On the flip side, just because you are taking longer than you expected to get over the death and move on with life does not mean you are weak. Everyone grieves differently, and it's important to remember that when you encounter the so-called well-wishers who mean well but often say the wrong thing when it comes to when you should be "over" the death.
It Comes and Goes
Another thing that catches people off guard when they lose someone is how suddenly the emotions can hit you. When you receive the news of someone's death, whether it was expected or not, you can be in a state of shock. You may not start crying right away. You may cry hours, days, or weeks later. That's okay. Don't force it. Even when everyone but you is crying, or when you are the only one crying, it's okay. In addition, don't be surprised when you think you are fine but suddenly you hear something that triggers your emotions and you are an emotional mess all over again. These triggers may include things like:
- Hearing a song on the radio that reminds you of the person
- Smelling the person's perfume or cologne on someone else
- Going somewhere you frequently went with the one you have lost
It can be hard when these things happen in public. If it happens to you, try to excuse yourself to a private place so you can have a moment to collect yourself.
Everyone Grieves Differently
The thing you should realize the most is everyone grieves differently. Some people won't cry at all, and that can be normal. On the other hand, some people won't be able to stop crying for days, and that can be normal as well. Of course, it is important to realize you may need professional help to get through your grief. If you think you might need professional help, don't be afraid to seek it. A professional can give you strategies and ways to handle your grief.
The grieving process is very complicated, as are most things involving emotions. People are very different, so you shouldn't expect anything of yourself when you find out someone has died. Comparing yourself to others and worrying about whether you are grieving in the right way can prolong the process. Letting yourself experience emotions in your own way and time is the best thing you can do for yourself.
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