What to Put in a Condolence Card

There are times when it seems that most people are at a loss for words. One of those times is when someone you know is going through the death of a loved one. You want to be comforting and you want to say the right thing to take all of the pain away. Unfortunately, there are no words that will take the pain away. Still, you probably want to do something, even if it's something as simple as sending a condolence card. There are many cards available in the card section at nearly any grocery store. You likely will want to add your own personal note. Here are some tips on what to write in a condolence card.

Realize Sympathy Is Important

If you have ever experienced a loss, you probably remember how many people expressed their condolences. While they obviously weren't able to bring the person back to life or even take any of the pain away, it was probably comforting to have them nearby. The cards, flowers, and gifts you received from people were a reminder that you had people to care. Now is your opportunity to be that person for your friend or family member who has just lost a loved one. Remember that even something as seemingly simple as sending a card can mean a lot to a person who is going through a loss.

If You Knew the Person

If you knew the person who has passed away, then it can be helpful to include a little memory of him or her in your card. It's typically best to avoid going into detail, but some examples would include:

• Mention how you will never forget his or her laugh.
• Briefly discuss some of the qualities you will miss in the person (such as if he or she was hardworking).
• Bring up a funny memory ("I will never forget the time that...").

These thoughts can help someone going through a loss to remember that he or she is not alone in the grieving process. This can help make the process seem a little bit easier.

If You Didn't Know the Person

Perhaps a co-worker's parent died, and you never had the opportunity to meet him or her. In this case, it's best to stay vague in your card. Some of the more common phrases used in sympathy cards are perfectly acceptable. Saying you are thinking of or praying for the family can bring comfort. Even a simple sentence expressing your condolences is enough.

Phrases to Avoid

When it comes to expressing sympathy, there are things we sometimes want to say that aren't appropriate. You should never tell a grieving person that it was meant to be or part of God's plan for his or her loved one to be taken away. This is not a phrase that is comforting at all. In addition, saying things like "he is in a better place" can be dangerous. For one thing, you may not know whether or not the person grieving the loss believes in an afterlife, and it can also lead to the living feeling guilty for being sad the person is gone. In general, it's best to avoid mentioning anything about where the person is now (unless you know the person very well and know how it will be received) or anything about what was meant to be.

Condolence cards are generally meant to be short and simple. It's a simple token to remind the grieving family that you are thinking about them. Try not to overthink what to put in the card; go with your heart. If you aren't sure what to write, then a simple sentence expressing your sympathy is all that you need.