So, you’re getting married. Maybe you’re excited about tying the knot but the thought of planning a wedding ties your stomach in knots. And if you have ADHD, your wedding can both thrill and terrify you by turns. It’s enough to make you scream and run away — but fortunately, you don’t have to. Some sage advice can help you and your ADHD brain design your special day.
ADHD and Executive Function Challenges
Planning a wedding relies heavily on executive function, which Verywell Mind defines as the brain’s management system. Executive functioning includes impulse control and focusing attention. It also involves cognitive flexibility, which enables humans to switch between tasks, and the cognitive inhibition to tune out unimportant information. Another key is working memory, described by therapist Keath Low as temporary storage that holds relevant data while we’re working on tasks or solving problems.
People with ADHD often experience executive dysfunction. It’s a common problem with children, journalist Janice Rodden explains, but it doesn’t magically disappear when they turn 18. In an ADDitude article, Rodden says that executive dysfunction also impacts adults. She adds that the human brain’s prefrontal cortex uses four areas or “circuits,” which she labels as “what,” “when,” “why,” and “how.” These circuits give us some critical abilities:
- Analyzing tasks
- Planning how to accomplish tasks
- Organizing the needed steps for each task
- Creating timelines for task completion
- Adjusting steps as needed to finish tasks
- Concluding tasks in a timely fashion
Impairments in these circuits lead to dysfunction. When tasks get inadvertently abandoned or details are left by the wayside, these can cost you time, money, and satisfaction. There’s also the emotional piece of this problem. As a result, those with ADHD can experience shame, feel disappointed in themselves, and take serious hits to their self-esteem.
Prioritizing, ADHD, and Wedding Planning
In another ADDitude piece, a regular contributor known as Jane D. explains how she managed planning her nuptials. “The ADHD me wants everything done at once, but doesn’t know where to start,” Jane commented. It’s a prioritization problem, reflecting challenges with the four brain circuits mentioned by Rodden.
Psychologist Marcy Caldwell at ADDept breaks down ADHD traits that impact prioritization: time myopia, big picture thinking, and fascination with novelty. With time myopia, it’s easier to handle immediate deadlines — but as Caldwell says, deadlines in the future are like boats on the horizon that one can’t see. Big picture thinking can make it challenging to decide which details are important first. Then there’s the motivation from novelty: Whatever looks the newest or shiniest holds the strongest attraction for ADHD brains.
Advice for ADHD Nearlyweds
Planning a wedding when you have ADHD is possible. ADDitude contributor Jane D. offers a few suggestions for making it work. First, don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help. This may include close friends and family, but you may also need a professional wedding planner. Experienced pros know how weddings roll, including what should be done and when, so they can help you stay on track.
Meanwhile, remember that it’s your wedding. You call the shots. You don’t have to throw a 150-guest affair if you don’t want to. And with COVID-19 still a thing, it may not be wise. A simple wedding requires less planning and should be easier for you to manage. Use organization tools that make sense for you — apps, spreadsheets, paper lists, or anything else your ADHD brain clicks with.
Relax: You Got This
Having an ADHD brain can make wedding planning harder. But since weddings are highly personal, you can adapt planning to your needs. Understanding why you struggle is one piece of the puzzle. By simplifying your event, choosing experienced help, and using organizational tools that meet your needs, you can create a wedding you’ll love — minus all the stress.
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