Getting married is a time of entirely new experiences. It's a very exciting time, but one that may be overwhelming. If you lived with your parents until you were married, it can be difficult to "leave and cleave," as it was called in Biblical times. This means to leave your current family and start cleaving to your new spouse. Some people make the mistake of thinking that leaving and cleaving means you can't be a part of your old family anymore. This is not the case, but it is important to remember that you have a new family now, and your spouse should be to whom you remain loyal.
Physically Leaving
Of course, one of the most obvious ways you leave your old family is physically. Around the time of your wedding, you will move out of your home and into the home you will share with your spouse. In some ways, this can be the hardest part of starting your own family. You may feel a bit homesick at first. After all, it is a big adjustment. Remember, as time goes on, you will get used to living in your new home and will come to love living with your new spouse.
Some couples prefer to put some distance between themselves and their parents after they get married. They may move to a different city, or perhaps even to a different state. There are some ways this may be beneficial:
- The two of you will be adjusting to your new surroundings together, which can bring you closer.
- In an argument or dispute, neither of you can run to your parents' house.
- You have privacy and won't have to worry about your family members dropping in.
- You will have to rely on each other, which will help strengthen your marriage.
Despite these advantages, many find that physically moving far away from parents can be difficult. Some prefer to do it more gradually. No matter how you do it, remember that you are married now, so you need to spend most of your time with your spouse.
Emotionally Leaving
If you were close with your parents, then you likely came to them when you were experiencing problems. Whether it was a problem at work, school, or in your love life, they may have been quick to offer comfort and advice. While you will likely always rely on your parents for advice to a degree, remember that your spouse is the one you should be counting on emotionally. He or she should be the one you talk to when you are going through something, and vice versa. Not only will this help your relationship grow, it will prevent the two of you from bringing parents into your relationship issues.
Spiritually Leaving
If the two of you are religious, then you will also start relying on each other spiritually as well. Ideally, you have the same belief system. You should pray together, attend church services together, and consider serving in the church together. This is yet another way you will strengthen your relationship. This doesn't mean you can't pray with your parents anymore or go to the same church as them, but it means that you are spiritually connected with your husband or wife.
Let the Past Go
If you have been in serious relationships before meeting your spouse, you need to make sure all feelings from those relationships have dissipated. Getting rid of things like old love letters and other memorabilia from your old relationship can be helpful. You wouldn't want your spouse to be holding onto things from his or her past relationships, so you shouldn't either.
Leaving your parents to start a new family is an exciting experience, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. You need to leave physically, emotionally, and spiritually in order to start your life with your new wife or husband.
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