There's no getting around it: Weddings can be very stressful. This isn't just true for the bride and groom, it can happen to others involved in the wedding party as well. While your flower girls and ring bearers aren't likely to encounter much stress, your groomsmen and bridesmaids may. Sometimes, stressful situations can lead people to act in ways they normally wouldn't. This might make a bridesmaid start acting unreasonable and uncooperative. Of course, this just leads to a vicious cycle, because an impossible bridesmaid will only increase the stress levels for everyone. What can you do to prevent this problem? Here are some tips for dealing with a bridesmaid who is being less than cooperative.
Be Reasonable
First of all, it's important for you to remember to be reasonable. Yes, it's your wedding day and one of the most important days of your life. Everything should go how you want it to, and you deserve to have your dreams come true. However, life isn't perfect, and you have to be reasonable with your bridesmaids. It just isn't always realistic for your bridesmaids to drop $500 for a dress and another $300 on shoes and accessories. They also can't be there every moment of every day. Many of them have other important obligations, such as jobs, family, and personal lives. While they should be there for you and fulfill all of their duties, your wedding is not the most important day of their lives.
You want to be able to maintain the relationship, so try to be understanding if your bridesmaid scoffs at the idea of purchasing a dress that takes up her entire paycheck. Try to hold your tongue when she lets you know she can't make it to one of your dress fittings because she has to work and can't get out of it. While it's important that she's present at as many of the events as possible, you also need to realize she's not perfect and she probably isn't going to meet 100 percent of your expectations.
Speak Up
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how reasonable you are. Perhaps you were able to pay for your bridesmaids' dresses and accessories and have only asked they be present at three or four occasions. If this is happening and you have a bridesmaid who is acting like a drama queen, then you need to speak up. This needs to happen in private and not in front of anyone else. Embarrassing your bridesmaid in front of other members of the wedding party will only make things worse. You also need to make sure you are the one who talks to her. Don't ask your mom, your maid of honor, or your fiancé. Address it yourself. Be kind, but let her know how she is causing problems for you and try to come up with a solution.
Find Someone Else
Of course, firing your bridesmaid should only be done as a last resort. Finding someone to replace your impossible bridesmaid will likely cause a big problem in the relationship, and perhaps ruin it forever. Still, there comes a time when you need to find a backup. If you have been realistic in your expectations and have tried to speak to her about the issue to no avail, then it's time to let her go.
- Let her down gently.
- Tell her that you think having her as a bridesmaid is too stressful for the relationship.
- Make it known that the relationship is important to you and that is why you are asking her to step down.
You can't control how your bridesmaid responds to being dismissed. She may take it well, but chances are her feelings are going to be hurt. You have to give it time, and hopefully the two of you will be friends again. For now, focus on your wedding and making it the best day of your life.
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