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Flower Girl With Blue BasketWhen it comes to planning your nuptials, details matter, and two that you should give careful thought to are picking a flower girl and ring bearer for the ceremony. Traditionally these roles are fulfilled by children between the ages of three and seven. They could be offspring or nieces and nephews to the couple or the kids of other close friends of family members. While there’s no rule that says you must have them, many couples choose to include them in the program. Here are some things to think about as you plan.

This One’s for the Children

Before you get farther along in the planning, you need to decide if you really want to have kids at your wedding. If so, do you want them to be in your ceremony? Few things are as adorable as a little ring bearer and flower girl looking like miniature versions of a groomsman and bridesmaid; however, children can be nervous, shy, temperamental and easily distracted. Some people absolutely love the unpredictability that often comes with young children. If this isn’t you or your spouse-to-be, reconsider having children in your wedding.

Sweet Child o’ Mine

If you and your partner want to include kids, then you need to think about the ages, personalities and confidence of your potential little wedding party members. In strictest terms, flower girls and ring bearers are usually of an age where they can walk unaided. You may know an especially cute toddler who would break hearts in formal or semi-formal attire, but that child might be a little too young to not only walk down the aisle but also stand still at an altar for an entire ceremony.

Older children tend to be acknowledged as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen, so a tween or a teenager may be too old to reasonably be called a flower girl or bridesmaid. Of course, it is your big day and you’re free to eschew certain parts of tradition as you please. Consider looking for a child who has served in a similar function. If there are several kids who could play the part, you might also consider a child who has never been in a wedding before.

Mother and Child Reunion

You’ll need to factor in the parents when considering having a flower girl or ring bearer. It’s important to make sure that it’s okay with the parents, whether they’re involved with the ceremony or not, for these reasons:

  • Paying for attire: Often the parents of ring bearers and flower girls are expected to pay for apparel and other necessities for the big day, such as grooming and accessories.
  • Minding the kids: Younger children may need a parent close by, such as near the altar, to keep them focused, comfortable and on-task. Depending on your setup, this may be difficult to accomplish for a parent who is in the wedding party.
  • Honoring “thy” parents: Just as asking loved ones to be in your ceremony is an expression of love and honor, the same can be true for the parents of the most junior folks of the wedding party. If you can’t add any more adults to the program, involving a loved one’s offspring can also be a way to show how much you care.

When it’s your special day, you get to make and break all the rules. You can have flower boys, female ring bearers or nonbinary kids in their gender expression of choice. Let’s suppose a family member or friend has the cutest set of triplets or children close in age. You could have a set of flower girls scattering petals or carrying bouquets. A set of ring bearers walking together down the aisle makes for an adorable and memorable sight.

Remember that they are your nuptials. Do whatever works for you, your spouse, the kids, their parents and everyone involved.

Category: Wedding Planning

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