Weddings are events that combine legal aspects, personal values, and sometimes religious beliefs to acknowledge the beginning of a couple’s lifelong journey of love and support. Most are also community affairs attended by friends and family. Although we’ve come a long way from Emily Post’s initial writings on proper manners, etiquette remains a critical aspect that guides social interactions in a wide variety of situations. While planning your own nuptials, avoiding some common etiquette blunders can ensure that you remain in your guests’ good graces.
1. Not Finalizing Your Guest List Early
While failing to determine your guest list early in the process can cause planning and logistical headaches for you and your vendors, it may also make you appear scatterbrained at best and gift-grabbing at worst. Although you could separate your pool of potential invites into “A” and “B” lists, most experts recommend sending only one round of invitations about eight to 12 weeks before the big day. If you do decide to invite B-list people later, The Knot advises on how to handle the situation with care:
- Have your B-list completed early.
- Select a later RVSP date for your B-list invitees.
- Include enough extras in your invitation order.
Additionally, you’ll need to ship out the B-list invitations as soon as possible. Brides writer Jaimie Mackey suggests sending your mailing 12 weeks prior to your date if you think you’ll invite B-listers to your affair. Besides avoiding the impression that they’re less important than you’re A-list guests, this will also give them enough time to book their travel and accommodations.
2. Forgetting to Feed Vendors and Entertainers
You’re hiring a crew of professionals to make the magic happen, so it’s only right that you provide food and drink for them during your reception. Bridal Guide’s Kristen O’Gorman Klein reveals that many vendors and performers now include clauses in their contracts stipulating that they must be fed. You can handle their meals a couple of different ways: either build extra plates for them into your catering count or negotiate an acceptable alternative meal.
3. Failing to Talk With Your Guests
Hospitality goes beyond offering your guests food, drink, and entertainment. While you’re going to be exceptionally busy on the big day, you’ve invited your friends and family to share in your joy as you and your sweetie tie the knot. Writing for The Spruce, Debby Mayne suggests going to each table and taking a few moments to personally greet attendees. On the other hand, Bridal Guide’s Kristen O’Gorman Klein argues that having a traditional receiving line after your ceremony can accomplish the same goal in less time.
4. Cash Grabs, Gift Gaffes, and Thank-You Trip-Ups
No one’s suggesting that you abandon any preferences for cash as wedding gifts. Even so, you still must handle it delicately and provide options for guests who still want to send you a present. While Martha Stewart Weddings considers it poor taste to spread the word that you only desire cash gifts, The Knot’s Tracy Guth proposes establishing both traditional and digital cash registries. Furthermore, O’Gorman Klein advises including your registry information with shower invitations instead of wedding invites. Finally, remember to send thank-you cards no later than three months after your nuptials. The Knot’s Lauren Kay suggests breaking up the task into smaller sessions to avoid hand cramps and writer’s block.
Etiquette is much more than saying “please” and “thank you” or knowing which fork to use for each course at the dinner table. It’s a code for social conduct that changes with the times while imparting good wisdom on how to treat others. For the soon-to-be-wed, thoughtfulness and courtesy will go a long way in dealing with guests, wedding party members, and vendors.
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