As a bride, groom, or someone preparing to marry, you look to close family members and friends to stand with you and your future spouse as members of your wedding party. For many couples, these special people are more than just a group of spiffy folks that look good in your photos. They are dear people who usually offer their time, talent, and treasure to help you and your main squeeze tie the knot.
When looking for people to be bridesmaids, groomsmen, or the like, it’s important to be realistic about who to ask and what your expectations are. It’s probably not a good idea to ask a casual acquaintance to be in your wedding. On the other hand, you may have unrealistic ideas about what your loved ones can contribute to your nuptials. Here are some things you should not ask or expect of the people in your wedding party.
Spend, Spend, Spend
It’s quite common for members of a wedding party to purchase or rent their outfits for the big day. Don’t expect your dear ones to become your bank account for your nuptials. A best friend or close sibling may be a best man or maid of honor and officially charged with planning bachelor or bachelorette parties or getaways. Always be mindful of the financial commitment required, and be careful about who you ask. Be grateful for their love and support, but your nuptials should not be their financial burden.
Become Your Personal Assistant
If a friend or family member has an event planning business, then hiring them makes sense. The people in your wedding party can help with various details, but don’t expect any of them to be your personal assistant. If you have surrounding events such as dress shopping, showers, and trips, it’s good to coordinate dates with your loved ones’ availability. That said, not everyone will be available to participate in everything. Hire a wedding planner and a personal assistant if that’s what you need.
Change Their Appearance
Your planned attire may inspire you to make changes to your appearance for a particular aesthetic. It’s unreasonable to expect friends and family to do the same. Avoid asking your nearest and dearest to do the following:
- Cut or shave their hair
- Change hair color
- Gain or lose weight
- Remove tattoos or piercings
If you’re going for a themed celebration, be prepared to cover certain expenses for the folks in your wedding party. If not, adjust your expectations (or priorities).
Read Your Mind
The people closest to you tend to know what floats your boat; however, don’t expect them to be mind readers. Communicate clearly about what you want and don’t want, especially if your wedding party is throwing a shower, bachelor party, or pre-wedding vacation. For example, you and your future spouse may have decided not to involve exotic dancing in the festivities. Make sure your wedding party gets the memo!
Do Things They Don’t Want To Do
Your nuptials are special for you and your partner, but they’re also special for your loved ones. While it’s important that your day be what you hoped for, it’s important to be mindful of those supporting you. For example, you might look forward to drinks flowing at your various events, but a bridesmaid or groomsman may not want to drink. Have fun, but always respect the boundaries of those you hold dear.
If you’ve got people in your village willing to be in your wedding, consider yourself fortunate. You’re grateful for their love and support. Honor them by not asking or expecting them to do these things in service of your big day.
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