Wedding Officiant Jokes Script
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12 Minute Ceremony
As a wedding officiant, you may encounter couples who expect you to bring some jokes to the ceremony. Injecting humor into a wedding ceremony is great for couples who want to tie the knot in a way that is unique and memorable, without taking the moment too seriously. A wedding officiant script with jokes can add a light and personal touch that makes the event memorable and enjoyable for both the couple and their guests.
However, it's important to balance humor with the solemnity of the occasion. Here are four tips for wedding officiants who plan to incorporate jokes into the ceremony script:
- Know Your Audience: Before deciding on any jokes, make sure you understand the personalities of the couple and the general makeup of the guests. What may be funny in one context could be inappropriate or offensive in another. Tailor your humor to suit the sensibilities of those in attendance.
- Consult with the Couple: Always discuss any humorous content with the couple beforehand. They should have the final say in what's appropriate for their ceremony. This also gives them a chance to veto jokes they might find uncomfortable or too risky.
- Timing is Key: Place jokes at moments in the ceremony where they can enhance the mood without detracting from the occasion. Introducing a bit of humor in the opening remarks can help to relax the guests and set a joyful tone.
- Prepare for All Reactions: Be prepared for jokes not to land as expected and have a backup plan to gracefully transition back to the ceremony. Not all jokes will work with every audience, so it’s important to remain adaptable.
Here’s a sample script with jokes that you and the couple can use as a framework:
Introduction/Welcome
Officiant (to everyone after the couple has entered the venue):
Hey there, party people! We’re so glad that you’ve spent all your hard-earned money to come watch _________ and _________ make the decision to get hitched! How can you not be excited about sharing Netflix passwords, closet space, and dirty dishes?
(Pause for cheers and jeers)
At its worst, marriage can be like a reality show with a limited budget (and fodder for future therapist sessions). But at its best, it is the foundation for lifelong happiness. These two very smart people are lucky enough to have found someone else who vibes at their same frequency, and they’re thrilled to have you here to witness their next chapter together.
Reading
Officiant or family/friend to the couple (to guests):
“I rely on you like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter
I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve
I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers
I rely on you.”
Declaration of Intent
Officiant (to couple):
We didn’t come all this way just to not do things legally. ___________ and ____________, this is your last chance. Are you sure you want to make this leap?
(Couple responds affirmatively)
Okay. Face each other and try to hold it together for a bit longer.
(Couple faces each other and hold hands)
Exchanging of Vows
Partner 1 (to Partner 2)
_____________, I promise to never let you forget to replace the toilet paper in words that you can understand. If that means an interpretive dance, so be it. I’ll laugh at all your jokes and I won’t binge-watch our favorite shows without you.
Partner 2 (to Partner 1)
_____________, I will ignore your questionable taste in entertainment and food. I won’t plug my ears when you sing in the shower, even if it reminds me of angry stray cats. I’ll also let you win whenever we play video games, as long as you don’t hog the remote.
Pronouncement
Offiicant (to everyone):
With vows like that, who says romance is dead? Now let’s get these lovebirds hitched!
(To the couple):
____________ and ______________, you guys have fallen so deeply in love that you’ve decided you had to get the government involved. As you wish! By the power vested in me by the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you married. You may now kiss, high-five or fist bump – whatever suits you! Now quick, it’s a race to the bar!
